


black bacta bandages and other first order love stories

by naevia_nadia



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Angst to Fluff, Bacta Bandage, Bacta Tanks, Catharsis, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Order Goth Bacta Bandages, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by new TLJ trailer, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up, Post-Starkiller Base, Pre-getting back together again, Relationship History, TFA as Kylux Breakup Drama, emotional catharsis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 02:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naevia_nadia/pseuds/naevia_nadia
Summary: After the battle on Starkiller Base, after Kylo's defeat at the hands of the Resistance, the First Order retrieved him from the imploding planet.  And the First Order remained to see him heal.Inspired by the new TLJ trailer, especially by Kylo's black bacta bandage, which I assume was lovingly applied to the face by the First Order's own General Hux.  In a deleted scene, of course.





	black bacta bandages and other first order love stories

**Author's Note:**

> I CAN EXPLAIN MY ABSENCE FROM AO3
> 
> OK I REALLY CAN'T
> 
> Hello all! :D I am so happy to post again, especially to post complete, whole grain and organic kylux again! It's been way too long since I posted a oneshot like this. I'm happy to do so!
> 
> This fic is quite the roller coaster when it comes to emotions, as I wrote it as a cathartic experience, so be prepared for that! Also be prepared for that soft kylux love I do treasure :')
> 
> I hope you enjoy!! <3

\--------------------

 

Coming out of bacta almost feels like coming out of water, if that water clung to Kylo like sap to a tree. Sticky and uncomfortable. It reminds him of a mission his Master sent him on a couple months ago. Kylo had to cut through the underbrush with his saber to even get to his destination. With each lightsaber slice, the leaves and vines bled sap onto his robes. They didn’t cauterize like body wounds. No, the sap splattered against his helmet. Even through the helmet’s filtration, Kylo could smell it; the sap was damp, heavy and thick with every inhale. Nature residing within the metal of his mask. 

The smell had remained even after Kylo’s return to the _Finalizer_. Long after the sap had dried and Kylo had peeled himself out of his robes, the smell persisted. Kylo remembers lying in bed, listening to Hux breathe deeply, and smelling that thick, sweet smell of nature dying.

The bacta is nothing like the sap. It smells like mint, like the kind in toothpaste. The salve is slick on his skin and slides off with little effort. Kylo can feel some of the leftover bacta sliding down his naked legs to pool on the cold durasteel floor below. He curls his naked toes in the pile, feels it squish between his toes. The smell pierces the artificial air with vigor. Each inhale makes his mouth tingle, like when he was sent on mission to a cold planet and each exhale brought with it a cloud of condensation.

Kylo notices he’s panting then. And shivering. Fuck, he’s so cold. Bacta, unlike tree sap, is always cold. His arm, still clinging to the bacta tank, shakes. He feels so weak.

The lights in the room are dimmed somewhat, but it’s jarring enough that Kylo can’t open his eyes completely. And of what he sees, there isn’t much definition. No texture. Everything in front of him is a dark blur broken up with what must be shiny durasteel machines.

How long had he been in that bacta tank, submerged, unknowing of his surroundings? What had happened since then? Where is he, who picked him up out of the snow, is he safe? Kylo tries to reach out with the Force, but his connection with it is muddled. Anyone could be here. Anyone could be here when Kylo is at his weakest. He has to get out.

Then, a hand touches his arm. No, not even a hand. Just the fingers. It’s surprising enough that Kylo flinches back. It’s surprising enough that his frenzied thoughts are stopped and replaced by his body. Aching. Kylo’s face pinches with an involuntary grimace to the pain, and he groans, lifting up his other hand to feel his face, to see if it still burned hot and raw with the gash from his Starkiller battle. To feel what remained and what was lost of his face.

But before Kylo can touch his face, a hand grabs his own. It’s gloved in black and holds him gently, carefully, like it’s never had to hold anything so gentle in its life. On his arm are the familiar arm bands of a First Order officer. Of a general. 

Unthinking, Kylo curls his hand around it. He’s still with the First Order. And there’s only one person on this ship who wears these ranks.

And Kylo is too ashamed to even look at him.

He instead stares at his bare feet, covered in bacta.

It’s quiet for a long time until Hux finally speaks.

“Let’s go sit down,” Hux says. Very quietly. 

Kylo doesn’t look up from the bacta still pooling at his feet. But when Hux pulls his hand and places the other on his back for support, Kylo lets go of the bacta tank and follows him. His eyes have adjusted to the light and his vision is clear, but Kylo still doesn’t look up.

They don’t have far to go. Right nearby, there’s a bench. It was probably designed for observation, in case one of the crew medical officers had to sit and monitor the bacta tank for a long time. So that they didn’t have to stand for hours and hours. 

But when Kylo glances at the bench, there’s no evidence of any medical officer. No clipboards, no medical tools. There’s only Hux’s greatcoat, crumpled up against the wall. It’s strange to see it like that, when Kylo only remembers Hux treating the coat with reverence. But that was a long time ago. And Hux has probably changed since then. 

Hux pulls him to the bench and helps him sit. It’s only then that Kylo notices that, thankfully, he’s wearing a set of shorts.

Sitting down hurts almost more than walking. But Kylo makes no sound to alert Hux to his discomfort. This is his punishment. He can endure. 

Kylo keeps his head down, his hair hanging limp and damp around his face, and looks at his legs. They shine with bacta. When he looks at the floor, looks at the journey that he and Hux took together, the distance is very short. Bacta glistens on the floor, staining the surface, ruining the order that was there before. 

Kylo almost apologizes for the mess, remembering Hux’s penchant for cleanliness, but before he can, Hux walks around him. He picks up his greatcoat and shakes it out rather forcefully. Then, as carefully as Kylo has ever seen him, Hux places the greatcoat around his bacta damp shoulders.

Kylo had forgotten how heavy it felt. The weight of it against his shoulders. 

_“It reminds me of the pressure on me at any time,” Hux had said once. “About how I must always be my best self. For the First Order.”_

_“Or it’s like a hug,” Kylo had said back, jokingly. He had smirked. “A great big hug, from me to you at any hour of the day. That way, I’ll never leave you.”_

_Hux then snorted. “If only I could get rid of you.”_

Kylo hopes Hux doesn’t mean that now. He doesn’t dare ask. He makes no sound.

On his face, the lightsaber wound burns, but Kylo doesn’t touch it. His shoulder, where the lightsaber first connected, stings and smarts. But Kylo doesn’t look. He only stares at his hands in his lap, Hux’s greatcoat around his shoulder, and waits for whatever Hux will say. 

After arranging the greatcoat to his liking and brushing off some nonexistent lint, Hux walks back around in front of Kylo. Kylo sees his boots in his field of vision, sees them smear into the bacta on the floor. Then, without a sound, Hux sits next to him. Kylo doesn’t know where Hux is looking. He doesn’t dare look up from his lap.

Again, there is silence. Only the bacta chamber hisses its way through its cleaning procedures. 

“How much do you remember?” Hux asks, interrupting the silence. 

Kylo thinks back to the events of Starkiller Base. The events before that. Everything that culminated in him being here, sitting on a bench next to the man he never thought he’d be alone with, like this, ever again. “Everything.”

Hux shifts next to him. Kylo can see his fingers flex in his gloves. He knows Hux is dying to take them off, so he can dig his nails into his palms. A year ago, Kylo would have taken Hux’s hands to keep him from doing so. Carefully unfolded his fingers so that Hux could pierce Kylo’s palm rather than his own. But this isn’t a year ago; this is now. So Kylo does nothing. 

“I’m sure you’re wondering what we’ve done while you were healing,” Hux says. Kylo had forgotten how quiet he could be. Their conversations had been so loud and angry these past couple of months. He had forgotten that, in the privacy of their company, Hux could be soft too. “We escaped Starkiller Base. She…She’s gone,” Hux takes a moment to clear his throat. Kylo doesn’t move. Hux never liked anyone seeing him get emotional. “Af-after we got back to the ship, you had some surgeries. We thought you’d lose an arm, but…you didn’t.” Hux sniffs. “You can thank the _Finalizer_ medical teams for that. They’ve always been the best.”

Hux pauses, waiting for Kylo to say something. Perhaps Kylo would have, a year ago.

When Kylo says nothing, Hux keeps going. Kylo can tell he’s disappointed at his silence. “We put you in the bacta tank for recovery. You’ve been there for three days.” Hux reaches over to smooth over his greatcoat’s lapel. Kylo wonders if Hux is aching to touch him, like how Kylo aches for him now. He could tell, if Kylo just slipped in Hux’s mind and rested there in that spot Hux always had for him. But the Force is unresponsive. Kylo tries to hold onto it, but it’s slippery. Like water. Like bacta. Like sap.

Of course it would be. Of course the Force wouldn’t touch him. Hux won’t either; he’s only doing it through the greatcoat because he pities Kylo. Hux doesn’t really care. Hux just doesn’t want to set him off again; that’s why he speaks like this, touches him like this. Like this year of animosity was a bad dream, a bad Force vision that Kylo would get in bed sometimes and reach over to wake Hux up to reassure himself that what he saw in the dream wasn’t real. 

Where he sits, Kylo begins to shake. And not just with the cold of the bacta.

“Your shoulder looks a lot better,” Hux continues. “I saw it before. You know, because I found you on Starkiller. I saw you after the fight.” Hux’s hand pauses over his greatcoat, right near Kylo’s ear. “You were in the snow, just lying there. Blood was everywhere.” Kylo can feel Hux’s fingers twitching, curling into themselves, through the thick fabric of the greatcoat. “I thought you were dead. It was-it was worse than knowing my base was dying.”

Finally, Hux’s fingers slide up the greatcoat and into Kylo’s bacta wet hair. His hand, even through the glove, is warm against Kylo’s cold, damp skin. When Hux finally presses his hand to Kylo’s neck, to the untarnished side, that makes Kylo’s face crumple, even as it pulls at the yet-healed wound and makes it _ache_. 

“I failed, Hux,” Kylo says. He hates how his voice is already so shaky. Already so _weak_. “I failed the Supreme Leader. I failed my grandfather. I-I failed _you_.” There are tears running down his cheeks, mixing in with the bacta, and Kylo is so fucking _ashamed_. “I don’t know why you pulled me off that base. You should have left me there, left me to deal with my failures because who would _want_ me anymore after what I couldn’t do. I lost to that scavenger, I lost to the Resistance, I gave in to the Light because _fuck_ , Hux, I _did_ it, I did what my Master wanted, I cut out the Light, but all I can feel is pain and hate and sadness and I just want it to _stop_.” Kylo is sobbing now. He knows it’s ugly, but Hux has seen Kylo’s worst. “Make it _stop_ , Armitage, I can’t _do_ this anymore.”

Hux doesn’t say anything. He only keeps his hand on Kylo’s neck. It’s a constant, grounding presence, and even as Kylo continues to sob, to shake, to make objects in the room quiver and shatter, Hux doesn’t move. Kylo is too weak, too tired and heartbroken, to even try and get into Hux’s head, to hide there like he did just a year ago when things got bad, but Kylo knows that Hux would be there for him if he could. Hux is there for Kylo _now_ , when he’s never felt more alone. It’s why Hux keeps his hand on his face. It’s an invitation and a grounding. 

And Kylo finds himself holding onto Hux as hard as he can.

After some time, Kylo couldn’t say when, he stops sobbing. Soon even the hitched breaths leave him, leaving only an exhausted peace that can only come at a complete purging of emotions. Kylo knows the emotions will come back, as they always do, but for now, it’s calm. The Force is still. His mind doesn’t fight him. There’s only blissful exhaustion.

Hux’s hand finally moves. It slides off the side of his neck and curls around Kylo’s head to hold the back. On the way, Hux brushes his bacta damp hair behind one ear, and a thumb curls around the upper lobe, an old thing Hux always used to do. It makes Kylo smile. Just a bit.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo says. He sniffs. “That was…excessive.”

“No need to apologize,” Hux says, voice rough. He scratches at the back of Kylo’s neck. Like Hux is petting him. Kylo can’t even begin to think about how disgusting the sensation must be, even through Hux’s gloves. How Hux will have to throw out his gloves after this. Still, it’s nice. Kylo won’t ask Hux to stop, that’s for sure. 

Hux continues, still in that rough voice. Kylo wasn’t the only one affected by his emotions, it seems. “I…I admit I had the same sort of reaction. When you were in surgery.”

That makes Kylo blink in surprise and look up, even as he remembers that he’s not supposed to look at Hux. But when Kylo makes eye contact, sees Hux for the first time in what seems like years, it’s alright. Hux lets him look. 

Hux is tired, more tired than Kylo remembers seeing for his usual self. His uniform looks rumpled, completely the opposite of what a First Order officer’s should be. There are dark circles under his eyes. His red hair is limp against his forehead. Without thinking, Kylo reaches up to brush it back. When he makes contact with Hux’s face, Hux closes his eyes with a sigh.

Hux’s eyelashes are still translucent. So ethereally beautiful. How could Kylo forget?

But when Hux opens his eyes again, his attention is drawn to the other side of Kylo’s face. His soft expression falls a bit.

Kylo blinks and looks away. Of course, Hux wouldn’t want to see that part of his face. He can’t imagine how disgusting the fissure in his face must look.

But instead of leaving, walking out the door, Hux reaches for Kylo’s face. His other hand holds Kylo’s head, somewhat keeping him from pulling away. When Hux touches the wound, the touch is as gentle as it was at the start, when Kylo first got out of bacta. 

“This isn’t healed all the way,” Hux says. “Wait here. We have some bacta bandages.”

When Hux gets up, Kylo nearly tries to grab onto him. He doesn’t want Hux to leave him, now that he’s finally back. But Hux only goes to the other side of the room, still in Kylo’s sight. He rummages in some of the durasteel cabinets, muttering to himself as he does so.

That makes Kylo smile. He forgot Hux does that. All those little mannerisms that Kylo collected like pretty stones. How could he have forgotten them?

When Hux returns, he doesn’t move to sit next to Kylo. Instead, Hux stands in front of Kylo, in between his legs. In his hand there is a black bandage of sort. It’s already pre-cut into a long, thin shape. That must be what remains of the gash.

Kylo has to hand it to the _Finalizer’s_ medical teams. Like Hux said, they truly are the best, if they made that lightsaber wound shrink to _that_ in only three days. 

Hux touches Kylo’s face with his free hand. The contact is still so shocking, even though Hux was gone for no more than a couple of minutes. Kylo finds himself leaning into Hux’s gloved hand, staring up at Hux’s pinched and focused face. He wants to ask Hux to take the glove off, but Kylo thinks that might be pushing it. He still remembers how just a few days ago, they were snarling at each other.

“Hold still,” Hux says. “This might hurt. I’m not exactly trained medical personnel.”

“You’ll do fine,” Kylo mutters. “You’re good at everything.”

Hux sniffs, though he’s smiling. “You say that now,” he says. Then, while Kylo watches, Hux carefully applies the black bacta bandage to his scar. It does hurt, just a bit, as Hux connects the two sections of skin together, but Kylo doesn’t wince; he doesn’t want Hux to feel bad. In fact, when Hux glances at him midway through application, to check on him, Kylo winks. He can’t imagine how ridiculous that must look with how puffy his eyes must be, but it has the intended effect. Hux narrows his eyes at him, playfully, before returning to the bandage.

When it’s complete, Kylo’s face feels stretched, yes, but it doesn’t hurt like it did before. This is a soothing pain, a pain that comes with healing.

Hux smooths his thumb over the bandage. Then, he cups Kylo’s face with both hands. His thumbs rest over Kylo’s cheeks. “There,” Hux says, his focus still on the scar. “That should come off in a couple days.” Then, Hux blinks and looks instead into Kylo’s eyes. His expression has turned serious. More serious than before. “But…it’ll probably scar, Kylo.”

“That’s all right,” Kylo says. “I’ve always wanted a face scar. Did you know Darth Vader had a face scar?”

Hux’s serious face falls into a look. Kylo has no other word for it; it was just Hux’s look that he did whenever Kylo was being a jackass in an emotional moment. “I thought Darth Vader was literally a scar,” Hux dead-pans. 

“Hey!” Kylo says. “There’s no need to be mean!”

“I’m not being _mean_ ,” Hux says. He huffs a laugh. “I’m stating a _fact_.”

Kylo rolls his eyes. He had _also_ forgotten how ridiculous Hux could be. 

“Why the hell are you rolling your eyes at me?” Hux asks.

“I don’t know,” Kylo says. “Why the hell are you still holding my face like that?”

Because Hux is still cradling Kylo’s face between his hands. He’s still tilting Kylo’s face up to his own. Like Hux wants something. Like Hux wants to _do_ something. 

The room has gotten very serious all of a sudden. The tension makes Kylo’s heart pound.

“Because,” Hux says, quietly. “I’ve wanted to do this. Ever since I got you out of that chamber. Ever since I pulled you from that wretched base. And every time we’ve fought and yelled and screamed at each other during this horrid year.” 

Then, Hux leans down and oh so carefully, oh so gently, like any weight might shatter what they have between them, touches his lips to Kylo’s own. The contact nearly makes Kylo cry again. But instead of shedding tears, Kylo leans into Hux’s grip to kiss him more firmly. His hands twitch on his thighs, but Kylo doesn’t want to push Hux when he’s finally reaching out. Kylo had forgotten what this felt like, too, but now that he remembers, he can’t ever think of leaving it again.

Hux’s lips are so soft. His nose still presses in the same spot on Kylo’s face.

Hux breaks away first, but only to press his lips to the bacta bandage, right over Kylo’s still healing scar. The contact makes Kylo shiver. His skin is pulled tight and oh so sensitive there. Then, after Hux lifts his lips from the scar, he finally lets go of Kylo’s face. But Hux doesn’t step out from between Kylo’s legs. 

Hux clears his throat. Hux always clears his throat after this kind of softness. That nearly sets Kylo off into giggles; the emotions he’s felt in such a short time have rolled and dived like a TIE fighter in a dog fight. Soft Hux. After all of their fights. Hux is still here, his lips and nose shining with bacta from kissing Kylo. 

There’re still things to talk about, of course. Kylo remembers his anger at Hux speaking ill of him in front of Snoke. And he knows Hux can remember every time Kylo spoke ill of him in front of his subordinates or questioned his command decisions. But here, now, in this room secluded from the rest of the galaxy and its conflicts, there’s only the two of them. They can talk about it later.

“Now,” Hux says, bringing Kylo back to the moment. “I can’t imagine how hungry you are, but I’ve been living off of protein bars while I’ve been in here, so let’s get something to eat.”

Kylo narrows his eyes. “How long have you been in here?” Then he smiles, remembering the crumpled greatcoat on the bench. “So. You do care about me. Don’t you, General? Enough to watch over me as I sleep?”

Hux blinks twice. Then, he crosses his arms and scowls. “Hilarious, Ren. I’m so glad you’re back. But, I’m starving and getting kind of cranky, so if you don’t want to get dinner, then fine, but I’m going.” Then, Hux uncrosses his arms, turns and heads for the door.

Kylo gets up and follows him, holding onto the greatcoat with one hand as he does so. He finds that though his body aches, the feeling is easily ignored if he keeps Hux in his sight. In fact, instead of his wounds, Kylo actually feels hungry. “As long as we don’t have caf and noodle soup again, then I’m good for anything.”

Hux turns his head with a scowl. “That was _one time_ , Ren, and two _years_ ago. How many times do you have to bring that up?” Then, Hux finally notices the real state of Kylo’s dress. Kylo raises his eyebrows as Hux looks up and down his body, though there’s no attraction from Hux there. “And fuck dammit, you’re basically naked. And covered in bacta. Shit.”

“I think I look really sexy.”

“Shut the hell up, Ren.”

Kylo smiles. 

The skin of his face pulls with the movement, but as he watches Hux pace the room and mutter to himself about clothing and Kylo’s lack of it, the pain is nothing. Whatever comes next is far from his mind. 

The peace, as brief as it may be, is here.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked the fic :D
> 
> If you wish to see more soft kylux and TLJ speculation follow me here on tumblr @lady-starkiller OR on twitter @LadySt4rkiller ~*~ 
> 
> I hope to post again soon! Wish me luck! We've got a long fic coming that combines my love for Mitaka and the backstory I've created for him with my love for kylux ;) I can't wait to post the first part! :D


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